Loving, letting go
and leaving a legacy
When I was in college, I wanted a tattoo. Many of my friends already had at least one, and I was considering getting one myself. I went to my mom one day and told her I was thinking about it. I wasn’t sure how she would respond. On the one hand, she was fairly open to free expression, but on the other hand, she was fairly reserved in her own physical expression—limited make-up, hairstyle, etc.
Here’s how the conversation went.
“Mom, I am thinking about getting a tattoo.”
“Oh, ok, where?”
“Lower belly, near my hip bone.”
“Cute! What are you planning on getting?”
“Probably a butterfly.”
“Ahhh, I see. Well, you’re an adult, so you can do whatever you want. But I do want you to think about something. I assume one day you plan to have kids?”
“Uh, yeah, sure. Why?”
“Well, just remember that pregnancy stretches out that skin and, unfortunately, it doesn’t always go back to the way it looked before. Sooo, your cute butterfly may end up looking like a prehistoric moth. Are you ok with that?”
Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.
I think about that moment with my mother often. How she guided me through my young adulthood the best she could. Sure, she wasn’t perfect, nor was I, but she shared her perspective and then respected my decisions. Whether it was begging to go to Europe and then deciding I couldn’t go on due to work responsibilities, she was all in, at least as much as she could be.
“As much as she could.”
I am learning the significance of this phrase as I reflect on my mom’s life, the legacy she left for me, and how I want to live my own life and what legacy I leave for others.
My mom didn’t and couldn’t be and do and say all the things I needed all the time…but she did as much as she could. She showed me what it was like to love through grief, hardship, and disappointments. And she loved me even when I was the cause of those things.
I have always known that, but only with the perspective I have now can I fully feel it. Only as I seek to guide my own children through young adulthood do I understand how hard it must have been…to love and let go.
Love and let go…
when it comes to parenting my young adult sons.
when it comes to remembering and honoring my mom.
I want to remember the best parts of her, love all of her, and let go of the rest.
I am learning, every day, how to do this. What works for me in this moment.
Over the years since I had the tattoo conversation with my mom, I’ve thought about getting a tattoo, off and on. But it wasn’t the right time, I was too afraid of what others might think, or I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to permanently affix on my body (or where exactly!)
So, as I have been thinking about mom and how to remember her, I wondered if now was the right time to finally get a tattoo. I kept coming back to her favorite flowers and why she loved them so.
She grew up in the country, and has many fond memories of the family and community that loved her so…even in their imperfections, in the hardships of life, and the complexities of the human existence. Every time we would drive “to the farm” she would point at the pink wildflowers on the side of the road…the phlox. She loved the phlox. The blooms are a cluster, together, always. United, in close relationship. That was my mom…bound to her family and friends, yet, in some ways, a wildflower growing where she was planted.
And sunflowers… in later years, she loved bouquets of sunflowers and would get so excited when she would see them growing in the wild. They were so “happy” she said. There is so much symbolism in a sunflower. A flower that always reaches toward the sun, looking toward the light. If you knew my mom, you know that she was so positive, she always looked for the light, the love, and a reason to shine her smile…resiliance.
When I asked Gemini about what a sunflower/phlox tattoo could mean, it had this to say, “For a woman, this tattoo can serve as a powerful personal commitment to her relationships, her optimistic spirit, and her journey of resilience and growth while remaining grounded in connection with others.”
Wow. Of all the things I want to remember about my mom, those are the things! Furthermore, when I think about the life I want to live, the legacy I want to leave, it is one of resilienceand growth, connection and commitment to others.
I don’t know for sure, but I think if I was having a conversation with my mom about getting a tattoo today, she would approve of this one.
